Reality check

I wish I had a billion dollars so I could take my kids around the world and show them how good they have it here at our home in America...Every American child is spoild and unapriciative when it comes to life style...weather their parents have money or not...theres always someone who always has it worse.... I try and give my kids everything..weather its opertunitys or clothes or what ever makes them happy..I AM guilty of over induldging them with clothes ,and sports eqipment, and toys and "things" but I have no doubt they are not too spoild....they still have to work,earn it,be respectful and say thank you....but really I wish I could make them live in a hut,made of trees, with no restrooms or toilet paper..where the boys work all day hunting and the woman work all day preparing....one day, before its too late!

The future

If Only I could see the future...If only I could know how my kids would turn out..That way Id know what do do to get them prepared for the road ahead....
I want my kids to be somebody..I dont want them to make the same choices as I did...I want them to fight for their life, their freedoms, to reach for their dreams.
I see Landin Playing football....getting a scholership to USC, then making it to the NFL..Big,strong,full of pride and absolutly breath taking...I want the same for Liam, but being my wild child I KNOW he is going to choose a bumpy path. My hope for him is to remember who he is, remember what I have taught him about hard work,integrety,and about his spirit. I want him to be happy, what ever he does, weather he's a rock star or a running back. I want him to just be happy. Dixie....Her self esteme is so fragile...I hope to continue teaching her how beauty comes from within and how we woman carry our selfs. I want her to know that she is a angel, sent to me for a reason. To a home full of boys to make her tuff, and strong.I want her voice to be heard, I want her brain to be smart, and her soul to be pure and happy. Lucky..being the youngest I hope that by the older ones setting a good example he will know what he wants out of life.
I want them to marry good woman(and a man), who will be wonderful mothers(and father) to my grand babys. I want them to choose wisely, because i only want them to do it once.
In no time at all, my kids will be grown up. My boys bigger then me nd my daughter her own woman.I want them to remember who they are...the hard lessons I have taught them to prepare them for this rough life. i want them to be champions, and to be proud..No matter what they do in life. I want life to be easy for them...not like mine and shanes life was. I want them to know I love them beyond words, more then my own life, and more then anything they could ever feel...My whole life has been for them. Every struggle,every tear, every fight and sacrafice....Its all been for them. I never want them to doubt their strengths...or fall back onto their weakness's....Be proud my childeren, be yourself, Be Happy!

SOME MOTHERS!

I had the joysof having a cerain (no names) mother come to my house with her two kids because they had no where to go...literealy...left to pick up my kids from school, and there she was..a 1 year old boy and a 4 year old girl and a drooling,passed out mom on my couch...the baby had a crap diaper and the little girl was trying to wake her up....i left the looser mom there, gave the baby a bath and changed his dirty clothes..fed them and gave them a drink. While mom continued to drool on my couch!
why are people allowed to have kids who dont deserve them? makes me really stop and think..Imso glad my kids are mine. That they have care, 24/7, and they never go with out....i wish i could save the world and take away all the babies from stupid moms for myself...I HATE STUPID MOMS!

Parks....gaggggggg!

sitting at the park today...I realized, I hate parks...they are dirty, and full of spoild, crying, booger faced kids...Tons of germs being spread all over the swings and slides..while unattending mothers sit there and talk on their phones while their bratty kids pick on other kids, or even just take off with out the mom even knowing...moms walking dogs along with the kids and letting the dog piss on the toys....not to mention MY kids who, instead of playing, bugg me the whole time to push them on the swings or worst yet....sit right next to you and dont even play, which is the whole reason you came to the park in the first place......maybe Im just really hormonal today cuz aunt flo is comming any day...but today the park just got on my nerves.......sory so bitchy...yes, Im really hormonal :o(

Oh the sex Life of a mother.....

What ever happened to spontanious sex? I mean really...when did making love become a planned activity that take stratigic timeing and acuracy? Having to put the passion on hold while I bathe or tend to a screaming crying kid, asking for food or a hug? Or all together missing the opurtunity because, by the time the timming IS right one of us is too exhausted or out of the "mood" or even mad at eachother because we have disagreed on something the kids have done.
When did sex become a chore rather then a recreational activity? when did I get so old?
Hopefully one day this week it will work out and I can feel like a woman once again...even if its just for a short while...hopefully no one wakes up or comes knocking on my door....hopefully!!

Why are Kids so BIPOLAR??

Trying to take sweet pictures of my lovely chidren on Easter Sunday proved ONE MORE TIME, that kids are Bipolar! from 1 years old to...well...20 years old I guess..Kids go from sweet, wonderful humans, to evil, psycho insane monsters..Ill just let the pictures speak for them selfs.....

Easter

I think it kinda funny how when your a first time mom..or when your kids are all little, every holiday is carefully planned, and exicuted to a T.When parents just cant wait to color eggs, and hide them for the hunt, when parents wake up way before the kids so they can see their sparkling faces when they see what santa or the Easter Bunny brings, when the tooth fairy has silver dollars in her drawer waiting for the moment her baby looses her first tooth...so funny...because I find myself, after 11 years of toothfairys, easter bunnys, santa claus, that there is only the hopes that the day will pass quicker.LOL and when the Easter Bunny came today and the kids woke up..I asked them to get out of my room and be quiet so I can sleep. Go play wuour toys till I get up! haha Or now how the tooth fairy constantly forgets and trys to pick up a bag of pennys or something, that is...if she remembers. Ohh how things change. After years and years of bunnys and fat men in red suits, and tooth fairys, I am over it! I still love to see my kids glowing, but I really would rather sleep!
Happy Easter!

Insomnia

I have so many thoughts racing through my head..it is at night time, when I can quietly sit alone with out the noises of my daily life that I can think....I love alone time.I NEED alone time. But I also need sleep...My brain starts to panic as soon as the sun goes down over the horizon...That pink, glowing, sunset sky...the nightmare of my concious mind....I dred this time of the day...because no matter how exhausted my body is...my mind wont relax and shut up so I can sleep...Its taking a toll on my body and on my soul, and in truth..the person I am in my everyday life..but aside from sleeplessness comes the calm quiet stillness that surounds me as i sit and ponder. Alot goes through my mind and i can recharge it for another day of motherhood.....i guess thats part of being a mother..The constant worry for my children..from school to friends to health issues...I love my kids. They love me...thats about it for now

How I became a mother...

I was 17..A little girl who thought she knew it all..I hated kids! Anoying,rude and forever filthy..I will NEVER have kids! EVER!
whelp....we all know THAT changed, becasue if it didnt..I wouldnt be writing in this blog!
Like I said..17 and knew it all...No one was gunna tell me what to do! No ONE! my best friend Shane and I made a choice, and that choice became the start of the rotaion of my whole universe..As soon as I found out I was pregnant my heart was forever changed. Something in me..deep down from the pit of my soul changed.This little human, this little person..Growing and feeding off me.Living inside my body.I was gunna be a mom. Landin came into this world on March 27th 1999..A whopping 9 ponds 5 oz. was 18 by the time he came into my world.!8 when this little life became MY whole life! From the moment they laid his little body on my chest, covered in blood and crying, I knew, with every beat of my heart that he was ment for me. Such an unexplainable feeling when you become a mother. Its not something you can be taught, not something that can be explained. Its a phenominom. Its natural...Pure Nature and instincts. I loved my baby with all I had.How did I go from a selfish little teen, to be so willing to give up my life at any moment for this little human? Motherhood came natural for me. I never once felt helpless or lost while caring for my son. Never once did I regret him or not want him. He was my EVERYTHING!
When Landin was 3 months old, I found out i was pregnant again!!!! It had to be the first time I made love to my husband after giving birth, because I did it once, and didnt do it again for a looooong while haha
How at 18 am I going to raise 2 infants? I wasnt afraid..BRING IT! i thought...BRING IT ON!
I married my husband..at 18 i was a wife of a new born baby and pregnant with another.
On March 23 2000 Liam was born. 4 days before his older brother turned 1 years old. by this time I was 19...a mother of 2! and I was head over heels in love with my 2 beautiful sons. Im not saying it wasnt hard, and miserable, and down right heart breaking at times..but I will tell you that no one in this world had ever loved me the way I loved my sons. Not even my own mother..Not even her.Never had I felt so Importaint as a human, then I was to these boys.They needed me, and I too needed them. It was something I always longed for as a child and teen...Just to be wanted and loved. And I had it! Finnaly! I never thought that it would come this way but I gladly took it and ran!
My boys were also ment for eachother. They needed one another. A perfect balance.
When Liam was 3 and Landin was 4..On Valentines day I gave birth to my sweet and only daughter Dixie Lue. A 9 pound 11 oz little angel.I was 22 with 3 kids now. A husband who was a slve to his work, and all alone except for my babies....Lastly when I turned 25 I had my last....when they say they save the best for last they were right. Actualy..I love all my kids the same, and with the same unconditional intence love...but My last little baby was special..Lucky is his name. And no one could be any luckier then me...I had it all! 3 sons...1 daughter and an amazing husband and father for my kids
Now Landin is 11, Liam is 10, Dixie is 7 and Lucky will be 4...
But this is how it ALLLLL BEGAN!

Mother Hood Through My Eyes...

So Ive set up this blog to free my brain of all the things I never get to say..with out judgment, without drama. An outlet to express my ideas,my frustrations and my love of motherhood, and all the adventures that come along with it..hope you enjoy!